(Spoiler alert: cats pretty much just like to sleep.)
Expectation: Your cat is going to get internet famous and make you rich.
Reality: your cat mostly just sleeps, and your Instagrams of it get, like, seven total likes.
Expectation: You’ll buy super-adorable handmade cat toys, and your cat will love you forever.
Reality: Your cat is perfectly content playing with its own tail, and has no real feelings about you either way.
Expectation: delightfully soft warm kitty cuddles all the time always <3 <3 <3
Reality: Hands that get scratched to hell every time you try to get close to your cat. Kiss your hand-modeling career good-bye.
Expectation: A cat that will pose patiently for all your weird, lonely photo shoots.
Reality: A cat that won’t pose or sit still.
Expectation: A loving furry friend who will greet you warmly when you come home every day.
Reality: Your cat is all, “Oh, you were gone for eight hours? I didn’t notice.”
Expectation: A warm, living teddy bear who will tickle your face with sweet kisses while you slumber.
Reality: A bed that is no longer your own. You’ll never sleep comfortably again.
Expectation: Constant feline entertainment that will help you forget about being home alone on a Saturday night.
Expectation: Your new kitten will get along with the other animals in your apartment/condo/shared cult farmhouse in Virginia.
Animals fightin’ all day urr day, especially at night when you’re trying to sleep.
Expectation: Cat-toure fashion that would be purrrrfect for the catwalks in all the most fashionable cities, be it Mew York, Singapurr, Mexico Kitty, or Purrlin.
Reality: Your cat opts for a more subdued look, and in retaliation covers all your fashionable duds in cat hair.
Expectation: Your cat will make you popular, and all your friends will come visit to admire your beautiful feline specimen.
Reality: Your friends are deathly allergic and leave your apartment covered in snot and you never see any of them again.
Expectation: Loving your cat forever and ever.
Reality: Loving your cat more than you thought humanly possible, and you can’t breathe, and it’s just too much to have so much love inside of you that you just might explode.